Saturday, November 29, 2014

My sadness about the Michael Brown Case

Me at 16 going through my blond phase

 For the last few days I have read so many comments about the Michael Brown Case. I have unplugged for a few hours just to keep my sanity. Plus, my homework kept calling my name, and so I would go back to work on homework, but I couldn’t shake this deep sadness that I felt.

Finally, tonight in my quiet time I realized where that sadness came from.

If any of you would have met me at 13, 14, 15, 16, and even 17 years of age, you would have thought that I was just a “thug” and a product of my low-income environment. Today when people ask about my childhood, I simplify by using the television show, Sons of Anarchy as a comparison to my childhood, especially my teen years. They were very destructive years for various reasons. 

However, I am female. I am white. So in many ways, I cannot compare myself to Michael Brown. I don’t know much about his background, but I do know he did finished high school, something that I didn’t do.

But today I am alive. I have lived a life. I have had kids. I have been given this amazing chance and I am attending a university to get my bachelor’s degree. Late in my teens my life was redeemed by the Grace of God. I was removed from my environment and given a chance to change and I did. It wasn’t because I had character that is for sure. There wasn't anything special about me. Yet, Chuck’s aunt took a chance and hired me and I traveled selling books door to door, that was my avenue out of the environment that I lived.

I should have ended up in prison, for that was the path that I was walking  no running down.  I hung around some pretty unsavory characters. I am not proud of this, but it is a part of my story. I could have been shot on more than one occasion. I could have been thrown away as another statistic, but for some reason I wasn’t. Tonight I share this as one of those “bad” youths.

Tonight I also share this as a mother who almost lost her boy a few years ago due to an illness. I can’t imagine what Michael Brown’s parents feel. The grief. The loss. We know that he made a mistake, but was that mistake worthy of death? I don’t believe so. I did things worse than steal some cigars from a convenience store. But here I am.

I believe that so many have lost sight of what it is like to make a mistake as a youth. And as a parent, how do we handle crisis that come up in our children’s lives? Do we not embrace our children and help them? The Browns were never given that chance.

I understand that everything is political. I understand that some only see one side of the story whether that person lines up with the Browns or with the police. But the truth is the Browns will live the rest of their lives missing their son. They will never get to hug him, talk to him, to see him get married or get a promotion, or go to college.

I end with this. During my first semester at Columbia in my writing class, I sat in a group of about six or seven people. Four of them were men, three white and one African American. We were discussing the Stop and Frisk policy in NYC and I asked these men if they had been stopped. All of them had.  Even though the African American man was much closer to my age than the other three twenty something males. All four of them told me of stories of being stopped by the police in NYC. Two were stopped at gunpoint. I was completely shocked. How could this happen, I thought. For whatever it counts as, these were men that attend Columbia University and had been stopped forcefully by the police. There is a problem in our society with power. It may not be that big of a problem where you live. But I would ask,  what is your gender? What is the color of your skin? For both of those characteristics seem to make a difference in parts of this country.


None of these issues are going to be fixed overnight and there are no easy answers. These are complex issues with many variables, but we must remember there are parents grieving the loss of their son tonight. While my son is sitting at the table working on his homework while I work on mine. 

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Learning to Love Myself


When I took this picture of myself a couple of weeks ago wearing my first pair of exercise clothes I was surprised that I actually liked the picture. I really felt like I had gained some positive ground when it came to self/body acceptance. For those that know me, you know I don't normally like any photos that I am in, which is I am sure why I love to be behind the camera. My only contrary reaction to the picture had nothing to do with me, it was when I realized I should have cleaned the mirror before taking my picture. In fact, I was amazed at how good I felt being in my first pair of exercise clothes, even though it took me a year to put on the clothes.

It wasn't until last year when I read Lucille Zimmerman's Book Renewed: Finding Your Inner Happy in an Overwhelmed World that I considered exercise a form of self-love. Except for swimming, I always considered most exercise as punishment for being plus-size. I think somewhere in my mind, I thought that thin people didn't have to exercise, that they were just born with skinny genes, that enabled them to wear skinny jeans. But as I read Lucille's words, I realized that I had missed something wonderful, exercise could be a form of self-love. And moving out East, I realized very quickly that I was going to have to love me, for the masses tended to disapprove with their eyes of judgment and silence laced with disdain. I would not find shelter in the world, but rather I would create it from within. In many ways, it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me, for it has forced me to look within.  Once I realized what a gift I was given, it has changed my perspective. I feel like one who is caught in the headlights of discrimination on a regular basis, I tend to shy away from the throes of the public when I can.

As a Christian woman, I have focused more on the "inward man", or woman, rather than the outer. But moving to New York City has changed how I see myself, and I see on a much larger scale how society sees obese people, and it isn't very pretty. 

Coming to terms with my body has been like living in a civil war all my life. I really don't know what it is like to have peace with my outer-shell, and to be completely honest, I haven't been at peace with my inner self for that long. As I have worked on accepting myself inwardly I have enjoyed a sense of freedom that I have not found at any other time in my life. It has been nice living with myself and not sending negative thoughts or words shaped in the form of barbed arrows designed to do the most damage.
Peaceful living is not an overrated way to live, it is a blessed way to live. However, a skirmish breaks out every now and then, when I start to doubt myself or get down on myself about a character flaw or, my health. Today was an accumulation of hearing disconcerting news from my doctor, inward turmoil, physical restraints, and society's assumptions channeled through stares of disgust and shock. 

If I could give you a picture of how I felt it would be like Jack Black playing Gulliver in Gulliver's Travels where he is tied down by all these "little things," however, all those tiny strings actually held him down. As I awoke this morning with my head in a fog and all my joints hurting, I had a feeling I was going to have a bad physical day. So I grabbed the heating pad along with my coffee hoping that the two might clear my head and ease my back by clipping those little strings. Before I could do much my doctor called me. I knew things weren't right if she was calling me on a Saturday morning. But I already knew things weren't right as I slept more and more each day. I was getting depressed by how much fatigue and pain I had been experiencing and wondered if I was ever going to recover from my surgery. She stated that my thyroid levels were way off. When I explained to her that I was walking on my treadmill consistently, doing yoga, increasing my water every day and none of it seemed to be helping. She said, “Not to be too hard on myself, for I can't fix this, only when my levels balance will it start to work.”
 I was not very happy with that response, for I have read online about people who gained thirty pounds while trying to regulate their thyroid. I don't have the capacity to carry thirty more pounds on my frame. So, I am heading to the endocrinologist on Monday and wait in standby mode while he tries to fit me in. I have to confess, I am not looking forward to stepping on the scales, even though I know I have been faithful in my lifestyle changes in the last two months. 

I keep reminding myself, that I have grace and that these changes are not solely about losing weight, but getting healthy. 
But what happens when you don't even feel healthy at all?

After a short nap, Chuck and I went to Walmart to get groceries and to search for a mat to go under my treadmill since the neighbors have been pounding on the ceiling each time I used it. My back had seized up while shopping which was causing other physical reactions that were unpleasant in public. At that moment all I wanted to do was go and hide. I try to do my best to not allow the judgmental looks to get me down when I am out in public, I realized why I was getting so many today. With my head down I somehow made it out of Walmart and to the car where Chuck was putting in groceries.
As we drove away realizing we were going to be late picking up Jonathan from work, the tears just started to flow. I just felt so overwhelmed by all my health issues and it didn't seem to matter how much I was working on them. Being out in public caused anxiety and stress which only heightened the pain I was feeling in my back and feet. Even after we picked up Jonathan I couldn't turn off the tears. I was mad and frustrated that all my hard work, my diligence, healthy choices didn't show results.

When people look at me they only saw a morbidly obese woman that they judged to be (you can fill in the blank). Today I wanted to hold up a sign that said, "Hey! I am working on this body, I know right now it doesn't show. I know presently I can't post that I lost 5lbs, or even 1lb for that matter, but it has to do with the regulation of my thyroid and all of the domino effects it was taking on the rest of my body. But of course, I couldn’t and tried to swallow all my pain.
By the time we arrived home, I was spent, both emotionally and physically. All I wanted to do was go to sleep. But like the good men that I have, they went right into the bedroom and set up the mat under my treadmill so that I could use it without bothering the neighbors below. When they finished, I went into the bedroom, put on my exercise clothes, and hopped on the treadmill and started walking. With Adele singing soulfully in my ears I increased my pace and as I did the tears started to mingle with the sweat. As my breath increased sobs started to escape. I hate to sob which means crying out loud, but these sobs rose up defiantly, just as I chose to stay on the treadmill even though my feet and back screamed for mercy. 
It is a strange thing to cry and exercise at the same time, so much energy leaving your body at one time. But I prayed that I would have the strength and fortitude to stay the course and finish my time on the treadmill, and I did. 
And a strange thing happened-peace and calm had returned.
 At that moment I realized that putting on those cute exercise clothes was really only the start of self-care and self-love at a different level. The test really came when the outside judgments of others and the inward fears and anxieties about my health and future tried to overwhelm me which didn't work today. I saw how love conquers all. 

Tonight I am stronger and braver, for I chose the path of love over the path of judgment and disdain, whether that was through the eyes of society or through my own. I don't have the physical proof right now, but I am starting to see that maybe in some ways the delay is purposeful. For in times past when I have tried to lose weight it was always about the number on the scale. All of my choices in diet or in exercise were based on that number moving down or up. I believe that I am breaking the chains that have held me down when it comes to self-care and I am choosing to take care of myself because I love me, and because I know that God loves me. If I have to go through the rest of my life never seeing that magic number appear on the scale, I am going to accept me and love me and still choose to take care of me by making healthy choices in diet and in exercise. 

This is why I am posting a before picture where I am smiling to demonstrate that there can be joy in the journey and not strictly based on the number from the scale. 

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Amanda's Note

Today as I sat reading a Generous Orthodoxy by Brian McLaren in the sun filled atrium of the Paramus mall while waiting for Jonathan to get off of work, I was writing in my journal and taking notes, I turned the page and came upon this note from my sweet daughter. For those who can’t read it in the picture above it says, 

“Mom, you are my inspiration, because of you I know I can do anything and I believe in myself. And I believe in you; I always have and I always will. I believe you can change the world and I know you will. I love you so much and know I am keeping you in my heart and prayers.”

This note alone fills me with so many emotions it is hard to put into words all of the love and awe I feel, as a mom, who has wondered if I had made a positive impact on my daughter. As I raised her, I always felt that my toolbox was empty when it came to relating to her and that became very evident in the teenage years, where I especially felt so inadequate, by not having a loving relationship with my own mother. I didn’t have anything positive to draw upon, and living on my own at 15, my experiences didn't aid me in parenting a teen. I look back to those years with regret and if I could have done some things over, boy would I.
But this is not the whole story to this note.
You see, Amanda gave me this journal four years ago, in fact, she was trying to sneak into the house and leave it on the table, but I heard her and came out of my room and saw this sweet Snoopy writing journal where she left me this encouraging note in the front of the journal. 

What was so strange about that day, was that it was Chuck’s birthday and as Amanda brought me a gift. She was getting ready to leave, when I received a phone call from Maggie telling me she is rushing Jonathan to the hospital; this is the same day he had two heart attacks from a virus attacking his heart. When we scrambled to leave the next day I grabbed this journal amongst other things and left for Florida. The first night in Florida, Chuck was hit by a man going 70mph and ended up in the ICU of the other hospital. This journal became a catchall of numbers, notes, and information that pertained to both Jonathan and Chuck and when I finally made it back to Colorado, I set the journal aside. I couldn’t write in it, for it became sacred, as it aided me in one of the most difficult times of my life. I would look at it from time to time, but wouldn’t look through it, I just couldn’t get myself to leaf through the pages. I didn’t want to remember all the conversations that it had witnessed, and all the doctor’s notes that questioned whether Chuck would ever be the same. But is also held numbers of strangers that gave us shelter, food, transportation, and encouragement. It kept me organized and focused on what I needed to do, I see it as God’s grace during a very stressful time. So it became enshrined on my desk as a reminder of what matters in life. 

When we moved to New York, I had packed away most of my journals in storage, but felt inclined to bring this one with me; it represented the love of my daughter, and victory over death that my son and husband had conquered. It had become my silent companion.

Fast forward to this summer when I decided to read a myriad of books pertaining theology and faith to really see if I going to Seminary was the next step after getting my degree from Columbia. I felt inclined that this journal was what I was supposed to write down all my thoughts, seeds of posts and papers, dreams, prayers, ideas, burdens, and questions. As I started writing down ideas, I felt like I was returning to something that I hadn’t left, but has set aside in a way. All the church abuse that we have endured in many different aspects had left my heart so bruised that even reading Scriptures brought more pain than comfort. So I had used a different journal and chose to read Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling, as my touchstone to God for the last few years. It wasn’t until this spring that I felt this calling towards seminary, which I found a bit perplexing, but knew I had to test the waters to see where I was. I knew that my faith had to be a portion of what career I was going into, I just wasn’t sure how it would all come together, and I still don’t though I am more hopeful.
So I have been journaling and writing things down over the last month and sitting in the mall today, I came across this note by Amanda that had been written four years ago. My heart and mind really can’t comprehend the significance of this note at this time. Moving to New York, I have questioned whether it was right or not. Did we abandon Amanda by coming out here? And with everything that has come to light in the last few months, I have carried the guilt that I allowed someone to hurt my child. I have questioned everything about my parenting over the last few years and in many instances I have come up short, wishing I had been more patient and understanding. I have wondered on many occasions if my child knew how amazing she was and if she knew how much her parents loved her and how proud they were of her. I have cried out to God to heal the places that have been torn and wondered when it would happen.
And then to turn the page and find this note, to hear her sweet voice say that she believes in herself, nothing is more important that we can give our kids than self-confidence and the belief that they are truly loved.
I pondered whether or not I should share this, but I felt the hearts of so many other parents that weren’t sure if they had parented well, or enough. Communication with grown children can be difficult, even in the best situations. But when turmoil of every sort comes and turns your world upside down like ours, to find this treasure, to feel her love wash over me like the summer sun in the morning, and then to hear the Lord say to me, “I told you, she loved you” was healing to my soul. 
This note had been here the entire time, but it wasn’t read until now. We don’t always see things as they are because of all the crazy circumstances, but we carry around in our hearts this hope. It doesn’t matter if we change the world if we don’t reach our own. And yet, here is this note at a time when I am pondering the next step in my education, in my career, and her sweet words bolster the confidence that I need to move forward. I feel so blessed and loved, but I also feel so happy that she feels loved and empowered.

Isn’t it funny how the Lord works sometimes? 

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Watching I Escaped a Cult


A dear friend emailed me to tell me that I should  watch I Escaped a Cult. Tonight, I watched it on Netflix, but it can also be seen the National Geographic channel has parts of it online. I would encourage people who really aren't sure why families talk about  their experiences with sexual predators that are in the church.  Or for those that feel the need to talk about forgiveness as the first thing a person must do when abused in a church, or any advice that is given to the victim instead of the perpetrator, this movie gives great insight into what happens to people who grow up in controlling and abusive churches or movements. It brought back so many memories for me.

 As I sat and watched this movie, I was reminded of the manipulation that these leaders use to gain control over families in the church. One ex cult member said, "It started as a friendly prayer meeting," this sentence rang true to me, because that is how Gerry and Beth isolated the youth from their parents, every church member that had children in the youth were manipulated in so many ways which gave them free access to our kids. The anger that family members feel is compounded by the lies, manipulation, control, emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, and sexual abuse that these victims have had to endure, in numerous situations which spanned many years.

This documentary shows how the leaders of one cult sought to destroy every tie within a family, we experienced this at the NLCD, the church we attend prior to attending  JMI. I remember the pastor yelling and screaming, and in all actuality throwing a tantrum in my basement because one of the members wanted to spend a Sunday with their grown children. He didn't think that she was being spiritual enough.  Of course they use the pulpit, and thus get to spread their poison through what is supposed to be considered holy, but is really used to gain control over the congregation.  Maybe you have never been in a church like this, and don't understand how people are controlled; I think this movie gives Christians on the outside a different perspective, and a better understanding  of what happens inside these types of churches. This may help people to understand why there is so much hurt and anger, because as the one lady stated, "the pain never goes away." This control impacts the core of the person and all that they believe, it isn't just about working in a toxic environment, but it rules how all of these people conduct their lives. There is always an element of fear, maybe of hell, maybe of loss of favor, or a relationship, so just plain condemnation and guilt is used to keep members in line.

I wish more Christians would understand that quoting Scriptures only causes more pain, because it is the very Scriptures themselves, that are used as a weapon to tear people down in these"churches". I wish Christian leaders would quit saying we need to "check ourselves" when they hear about a pastor being accused of sexual abuse and start saying "how can we help the victims", and leave the forgiveness issue to God allowing time to bring healing. In all actuality, when people start quoting forgiveness scriptures from the start, it shows how uncomfortable they are with the topic and then they put pressure on the victims to hurry up and deal with "their" issues instead of confronting the true issues of how and why sexual and spiritual abuse is  increasing in churches at an alarming rate, as well as seeing that these issues are impacting society as a whole.

When we left JMI after they whisked Amanda away after she turned 18, we were devastated, absolutely devastated. My saving grace was that I was in counseling and had a counselor that really helped me start dealing with all of the abuse that I had suffered at three different churches and what type of toll it had taken on me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. To this day, I start to break out in a sweat when I walk past a church, it doesn't matter what type, it is still a reaction to all the abuse. Due to the events that have unfolded in the last year, I feel that I have lost ground, and I seriously question the lack of sensitivity that I have seen on FB and in the pulpits, where people who have no idea what is going on start spewing out Scriptures and I hear leaders saying we shouldn't judge. It's nonsense, that is what it is, pure nonsense.

I really hope people will take the time to understand one does not have to practice polygamy or live on a compound to be in a cult or cult-like church. Serious damage is done to the church members who live under spiritual, sexual, and emotional abuse. 

In our case each church demonstrated how the leaders gained control through manipulation in different ways; the first church did so by isolating and shaming.  Attending my first church meeting, the pastor's wife came up to me and said, "God saved her from out of the gutter, and would do the same to me." In the second church I was publicly called out virtually every Sunday for many years, (it was a small church)  and I was  publicly shamed for not attending meetings, for the length of my hair, for idolizing my children and homeschooling too much, and of course, not obeying my husband. I had become wiser in many ways by not staying in the same type of church and we finally thought we had found a safe place when we attended JMI and their marriage conferences, but right away I saw too much control over the core group, they didn't seem to have much of a life but attending church sponsored events all week. All the teens hung out at the Pastor's house and my two found their place right away. It was apparent within the first few months that we had lost our kids to these people. I had to battle my teens over 2am church meetings instead of doing drugs, they kept my children in prayer meetings until 2am on many occasions, and I was considered too damaged from the previous church to really understand what was going on. My children informed me that they would runaway if we left the church, so I stayed, trying to keep my family together. And now we are faced with this trial, from a man who publicly called me antisocial in front of the church one Tuesday evening. These are just a few bits of my story, our family's story.

I find it very hard to be tolerant of ignorant people claiming to know what to do, or for those that are in leadership positions to talk about turning the other cheek, or remembering to respect authority. I wonder how they would feel, if they felt like their family could be taken from them at any point like I did. I wonder if they understand how it feels to be powerless, and shamed by the "man of god" who is preaching on Sunday about abstinence and yet having a seven year affair on the side.

If I could ask one thing, it would be that Christians  who are afraid that God's name is going to be marred or that church attendance will decrease, or that we shouldn't talk about those hidden things and we should remain silent, would consider what they are going to say to a victim or the victim's family. I wonder if they realize how their comments only cause more pain. This invalidation only cause more trauma and pain. For those who believe they are trying to help by quoting judge not lest ye be judged, or forgive or you won't be forgiven, or this should be settled between each party and not to be put on public display, you have no idea how much you are empowering these power hungry predators who are skilled at using scriptures to get what they want.

I do not see or hear compassion, I have spoken to so many that have been abused in the church and in many ways, they can come to terms with being abused, but they can't come to terms with all the "well meaning Christians" that say the most hurtful things to them, they shame them, they judge them, they accuse them, the ostracize them, and they forsake them because they don't want to be considered tainted either. This is best described in The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorn, I wonder how many abused church members will be able to turn their Scarlet Letter  of shame into something that will cause people to understand how painful it is to judge the victim, just like Hester Prynne did.

This movie is short, but to the point, the cult members demonstrate dignity and grace, as well as pain and sorrow for what was done and even what they did. These problems are not going to be solved by trying to silence the victims, in their story, members brought about civil and criminal charges against the leaders and won, and one is sentenced for life in prison for what he did to minors. Lives are lost and destroyed by this abuse and control. I believe the church should consider the scriptures that talk about tending to those of a broken spirit, or how Jesus sees children and what he states should be done to those who offend them. It is very hard to try to heal from the abuse when most of one's attention gets refocused on well-meaning people who feel "led" to share, not to mention the leaders that stand in the pulpits each Sunday and tell the congregation that they should consider their own hearts, quit running interference for the sexual predators, manipulators, quit worrying about job security, and be that city of light and love, we are supposed to be.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Moralizing Obesity: Does Shaming Really Work?

changehappens.ca
In the last few weeks I have had to deal with size bias from the medical community and I have read some really hurtful comments on other sites where plus size women are choosing to be seen in public and I have considered many different ways to respond to all this discrimination, so for now the first step lies with posting final paper from my University Writing Class at Columbia. 
Everyone who attends Columbia has to take this class and it help students to write academic papers, but it can also direct students  find their voice and what they are passion about in life. As much as I desire to work with women who have come from domestic violence, I am feeling more and more compelled to take up this discrimination that is prevalent throughout society and always falls under the guise of "I am looking out for their health," which is ridiculous.
Within a few days I will have thyroid surgery due to two very large goiters that have formed on my thyroid that is pushing on my voicebox and my esophagus. I have a team of doctors who have spent years and years to become specialized in their field and they don't even have all the answers to why this formed or why my weight is where it is at, other than it has to do with my health. If my team of doctors is doing research, what makes you, the general public, the armchair quarterback of health tells me that you are slighting me just by looking at my size? What can you tell from my size? My blood pressure? My blood sugar? My blood work? Anything other than I am larger than normal. As the reader looks at the stats that I use in my paper, I can tell you that if any other group had to face the same stats there would be an outcry about discrimination, but size bias is the last righteous discrimination that is allowed in society, and it's too bad, because people have forgotten what they learned in elementary school that they shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Shaming doesn't work, period. 

Moralizing Obesity: Does Shaming Really Work?
I am not sure if I can put into words how excited I was when I found out that I was accepted to Columbia School of General Studies. Taking this great leap of faith and moving to the New York City area, I knew that I would have to adjust to a completely different lifestyle compared to living in a small town north of Denver, Colorado; nevertheless, I was up for the challenge. I had made mental notes of things people had told me who had once lived in New York City. I anticipated the noise, the crowds, and learning to use public transportation. One thing that I did not count on was how isolated I felt even when I was on a bus filled with people. The isolation was not from not knowing anyone, but because I am overweight. Numerous times in the last few months I have had a seat open and people have refused to sit by me, many have chosen to stand. Here I thought The Big Apple accepts everyone who comes, but I have learned otherwise. If you are overweight, you are shunned. Once, while on a bus, I had to stand and the bottom of my coat touched her arm, she responded as if a swarm of flies had attacked her. I was mortified that I had caused that much discomfort to the lady, I had to stand there and watch her over react throughout the bus ride. There have been times that I have wanted to ask these people who chose not to sit next to me “Are you afraid that you will catch whatever makes me fat? I promise you, it is not like a cold, you cannot catch it.”
I really thought that coming out to New York City, I would not experience so much discrimination as I did while living in the Denver area where I experienced hostility and repulsive reactions when it came to my health care which has caused me to delay health care rather than face more discrimination. With a population that makes it one of the largest cities in our country, I believed that I would blend in with the crowds; however, I was surprised how I stood out in my alienation and isolation. How is it that in 2013, when everything is pretty much accepted in society, people who are overweight or obese are still judged with biased attitudes; why has this discrimination been allowed to persist? Obesity is the last form of discrimination that society deems acceptable and it is pervasive, it impacts every facet of the lives of those who are overweight or obese. In their article “Bias, Discrimination, and Obesity,” Rebecca Puhl and Kelly Brownell state, “Discrimination is harmful to its victims in many ways and can have enduring effects. With 54% of U. S. population now overweight and 34% obese with the prevalence still increasing in the United States…” (788). If half of the population is considered overweight what motivates so many people to be so cruel and judgmental? With statistics like this, one can see that shaming, blaming, and punishing people, thinly disguised as helpful advice to those who struggle with their weight does not work; instead it causes more harm.

Moralizing Obesity
Many have looked at the motivating factors of what a society deems as moral or right. Steven Pinker calls it “The Moral Instinct” where a person, or collectively a society, deems what is morally right and what would be considered a preference (34). The action or non-action is only one part of the equation, the motivation behind why someone does something or does not do something is the other part of the equation. Pinker defines moralization as, “a psychological state that can be turned on and off like a switch, and when it is on, a distinctive mind-set commandeers our thinking” (34).  An analogy of looking at different motivations and responses could be using reclaimed wood in a renovation: the motivation for one family to use reclaimed wood is purely aesthetics which the wood gives to the room. Whereas the other family uses it to show their children the importance of using discarded wood for flooring since many forests have been decimated by commercial logging.  How each family views the reclaimed wood would vary according to how they perceive the value of it. The “morality switch” happens on a different level for each family. One of the “universal moral spheres” that Pinker discusses in his article is diet, or what people eat (55). When looking at different degrees of moralization one can see that it is not the only law that governs a society but also peoples personal preferences. There can be a strong punitive response in our society, regardless of the degree of moralization.
Furthermore in  their article, “The CAD Triad Hypothesis: A Mapping Between Three Moral Emotions (Contempt, Anger, Disgust,) and Three Moral Codes (Community Autonomy, Divinity)” Paul Rozin, Laura Lowery, Jonathan Haidt ,and Sumino Imada state, “ individuals react emotionally to violations, and these reactions often have long-term effects on social relationships between violators and third parties” (574). Rozin et al. came up with the CAD Triad which draws connections between certain emotions and their correlations to morality (574). They categorize them into different groups that all interact with moral judgments, but some are turned inward such as shame, embarrassment and guilt, which they named the “self-conscious emotions” (574). When people display these emotions it shows that they want to be included and work towards not hurting others (Rozin et al. 574). It is the “hostility triad,” the contempt, anger, and disgust, these emotions are linked to “other-critical” people show these feelings when they feel superior to others in their society (Rozin et al. 575).  The group conducted some experiments that combined American and Japanese undergraduate students, and the students placed these emotions in correlation to community, autonomy, and divinity (Rozin et al. 576).  Rozin et al. saw how anger was connected to autonomy or how it infringed on individual rights (Rozin et al. 575). Contempt was connected to community and a hierarchy of social status, and disgust was linked to divinity where this dealt with bodily functions (Rozin et al. 575). Though there were different ethics shown in individual rights, there was significant evidence to show communal ethics that cross different cultures (Rozin et al. 585). Demonstration of social structures for each society may be different, but the standards appear the same.
When looking at the causes that made obesity in society a moral issue, one does not have to look too far. In her article, “Weighing Health: The Moral Burden of Obesity”, Annemarie Jutmel looks at the chronological timeline and attitudes towards obesity. Jutmel states, “In the early twentieth century, Wood and Rudduck (1923) identified the slender woman as the ‘type of woman that men should shun when choosing a life companion’” (113). Jutmel goes on to describe the ideal woman as “sturdy,” the woman’s description however was not based upon weight, but health (113). She compares what doctors recommended in the 1930s to today’s standard, which is much stricter and does not allow as much weight (114). With this in mind Jutmel states, “According to the World Health Organisation [Sic] (2003), obesity is an epidemic of international proportions, and overweight is now identified as a disease entity rather than a statistical observation” (114). Changing the BMI standard, which is weight divided by height squared and the World Health Organization declaring it as a disease, based solely upon weight and no other health indicators contributes to how society sees overweight people. Since the vast majority of society uses what they see as the determining factor to judge something as “normal” or healthy it is very easy to assume that if someone is overweight, they must not be healthy and/or not given over to self-improvement-which can lead to virtue (119). All of the reasoning, emotions, and judgments come from the first impression, and yet we forget the old adage our parents and teachers taught us “don’t judge a book by its cover.”

The Stigma and Shame
The prevalence of biased attitudes and the stigma with obesity includes family, friends, public places, schools, employment, health care, renting apartments, the court system, shopping, dining out, and of course, strangers (Puhl and Brownell 788).  They found that “28% of teachers in one study said becoming obese is the worst thing that can happen to a person; 24% of nurses said  they are “repulsed” by obese persons…” (788). When it came to physicians, there was a stronger bias towards obese patients. Puhl and Brownell’s study showed that of over 400 physicians questioned, “87% believed that obese persons are indulgent, 74% believed that they had family problems, and 32% believed that they lacked will power” (792).  When it came to children and teens in school the statistics are heartbreaking, Puhl and Brownell state, “Many fat kids exist on a diet of shame and self-hatred fed to them by their teachers” (797). They also found that, “91% of the overweight children felt ashamed of being fat, 90% believed that teasing and humiliation from peers would stop if they lost weight…” (796). Examining these attitudes demonstrated towards children that are considered obese makes one pause to really consider what it must be like for those children throughout the school year. Where do they find shelter from the barrage of criticism and hatred?
In higher education the rates are not as high as in elementary and high school, nevertheless the statistics show that “obese students were significantly less likely to be accepted to college despite having equivalent application rates and academic performance to non-obese peers” (Puhl and Brownell 796). Once an obese person has employment they suffer lower wages, not as many promotions and some have even been fired because of their weight (Puhl and Brownell 790).  If this is how professional feel about obese people, then how does the general public view obese people?
In his article, “Disgust and perceived control in attitudes toward obese people,” LR Vartanian defines stigma as, “an attribute that is undesirable or devalued in a particular social context” (1302). Vartanian goes on to say that, “Weight bias exists despite the fact that rates of overweight and obesity have increased dramatically over the past three decades, making larger body sizes more normative” (1302). This clearly shows that even though we have larger people today, society still sees being overweight as being disgusting and controllable in every instance, so if people had better self-control then they would not be overweight. The Vartanian’s study looked at what motivating factors caused the disgust the public held towards obese people (1303). The main correlation was the belief that obese people had control over their weight and have chosen not to do anything about it (1303). When looking at different groups that are stigmatized today, obese people did not fare so well. Vartanian states, “For judgments of personal control, obese people were rated as having more control over their group membership than did women, homosexuals, and welfare recipients, for example, but less personal than smokers, drug addicts, and religious people” (1304). There is no doubt that the public has moralized obesity in such a way that it is not just how much harm can be caused by weight, but rather that there is much condemnation associated with simply weighing more. This is not to say that there should be no consideration for the health benefits that can come with being thinner, but the way our society is treating the obese does not drive them to eat less, but to remove themselves from society as much as possible.
This leads to the emotional harm that is caused by the public’s disgust and outright prejudice that is exhibited on a daily basis for obese people.  ‘In their article, “Weight Stigmatization and Ideological Beliefs: Relation to Psychological Functioning in Obese Adults” Kelli Friedman, Simona Reichmann, Philip Costanzo, Arnaldo Zelli, Jamile Ashmore, and Gerad Musante look at psychological toll that obese people face in everyday life and what they found is that obese people are, “characterized by others as ugly, stupid, mean, sloppy, lazy, dishonest, worried, sad, self-indulgent, unlikable, and emotionally impaired” (907). Conversely Friedman et al. discovered in their findings that 71% of the ninety-three participants had a college degree and 70% were employed (908). The public perception that obese people are lazy or stupid is unfounded yet these negative judgments, place them at the bottom of the social structure where indifference and alienation cohabitate with people who are heavy (Rozin et al. 575).
Living in a community where there is a continual climate of criticism damages the self-esteem of the obese person.  In their article, “The Influence of One’s Own Body Weight On Implicit and Explicit Anti-Fat Bias” Marlene Schwarta, Lenny Vartanian, Brian Nosek, and Kelly Brownell found in their studies that included participants that were under weight to extremely obese showed that, “15% of [participants] reported that they would be willing to give up 10 years or more of their life to not be overweight or obese. In addition, 30% of respondents reported they would rather be divorced than obese, 25% reported they would rather be unable to have children than be obese, 15% reported that they would rather be severely depressed, and 14% reported that they would rather be an alcoholic” (444). It is mind numbing that people are willing, if they had a chance to trade years of their lives, limit their family, or choose an addiction rather than be obese. The public and private sector has made such an impression on the obese person, one would think, to solve the problem just lose the weight!
It is important to understand what the government deems as overweight and obese. Taking an example a person who is five-foot five inches and weighs 150 pounds is considered overweight with a BMI of 25 according to the National Heart, Lung, and  Blood Institute’s website and if that same person weight 180 pounds then they are considered obese with a BMI of  30,(“NHLBI, Obesity Guidelines”). Many maybe surprised by these guidelines. Nevertheless, according to the article “Attempting to Lose Weight” Judy Kruger, Debora Gaulusk, Mary Serdula, and Debora Jones state that, “The current national preoccupation with weight loss and dieting is demonstrated by the fact that American now spend $33 billion annually on related products and services” (402). Though, Linda Bacon and Lucy Aphramor state in their article, “Weight Science: Evaluation the Evidence for a Paradigm Shift” that, it is close to $58.6 billion that Americans spend on weight loss (1). In addition Kruger et al. found in their study that, “31% of U.S. adult were currently trying to lose weight” (Kruger et al. 404).
There are considerable differences in the statistics comparing men and women in their weight loss and discrimination on the job concerning obesity. There is a gender gap which shows that almost 40% of women have tried to lose weight; whereas close to 25% of men have tried to lose weight (Kruger et al 403). Puhl and Brownell also saw that obese women were punished more when it came to employment through less wages and lack of promotions, however obese men do not get penalized with their wages as much (790). That may be one of the motivating factors in why women are more likely to try to lose weight than men, since they experience a greater degree of discrimination, but women also have a greater since of negative body images. Women are also more likely to try multiple approaches to losing weight in comparison to men that include: exercise, lower the calorie consumption, diet pills, fasting and taking laxatives (Kruger et al 404). Kruger et al. found one of the main problems associated with not losing weight, being a lack of success (404). Americans are spending billions of dollars are trying to find a solution; so maybe it is not as easy as it looks when losing weight.

No One is Exempt from Fat Shaming
People who have careers that are in the media not only deal with “Hollywood’s” version of what a beauty looks like, but face scorn and cruelty on a public level. In his article, “The Cricket: A critic’s fat jokes aren’t funny or unique” Sean Means calls fellow film critic from the New York Observer, Rex Reed a jerk for calling Melissa McCarthy, comedian and actress ”tractor sized” and a “female hippo” while critiquing her latest movie. Many came out in support of McCarthy, including her cousin Jenny McCarthy. After the backlash, Reed stated that he was trying to bring “awareness to obesity” (The Cricket:). Once again the superior mentality of one person who does not even have the star power that Melissa McCarthy does, feels the need to express his “concern” about obesity? Reed when on to say, “The real problem is that his attitude toward McCarthy—and most overweight people—is not an aberration. It’s [a] standard for many of the people who decide how movies get made in Hollywood” (The Cricket:). Outright bullying does not only occur on the playground any longer.
However JoNel Aleccia, from NBC News reports how one female anchor in La Crosse, Wisconsin decided to take on her email bullying viewer who wrote that she was too fat to be on TV and not a good role model (Too fat for TV?). Aleccia quotes Livingston and went on air with her reply to Kenneth Krause, who sent the email, “You can call me fat, and yes, even obese on a doctor’s chart” she said—but then she lashed out at the viewer for contributing to a culture of bad-mouthing and bullying” (Too fat for TV?). Livingston has received tons of support for encouraging children not to be bullied. Livingston ended her response with these words, “the cruel words of one are nothing compared to the shouts of many” (Too fat for TV?). Livingston made it clear that she never mentioned that young girls should follow in her footsteps when it comes to her body size (Too fat for TV?). Once again, here is someone who feels superior and does not back down when he is interviewed by the press; he even offers Livingston some pointers if she wants to lose weight (Too fat for TV?). There are two issues at hand, one that being slender equates to being healthy, which has not been proven and secondly, using shame as a motivation tool does not work; if anything it only makes the problems worse. When has shaming anyone worked?
Is Anyone Trying to Make a Difference?
            One company is trying to make a difference, Dove, Inc. In her article, “Performing Beauty: Dove’s “Real Beauty” Campaign” Jennifer Millard discusses what western society deems as beautiful and how Dove is trying to bring in “realism” by using women of all ages and sizes to advertise their products (148).  Millard states that Dove realized they need to do something, “after commissioning a global report on beauty found that of the 3,200 women surveyed from ten countries only 2 percent considered themselves beautiful (Ectocff et al. 2004)” (147). In a society where beauty is so desirable and even looked at as powerful, this statistic reflects the culmination of societal pressure, advertising, and what a negative self-worth can do to women. Dove decided they did not like that statistic and chose a very daring campaign, to use “normal” women, who are not models and to not retouch the pictures (Millard 148).  Millard writes, “Supporters congratulate Dove for promoting broader definitions of beauty (Neff 2004), growing its brand in a positive way (Prior 2004), putting older and bigger women in the spotlight…” (148). The response has been very encouraging, they even won two awards for the campaign. Millard interviewed different women who looked at the Dove Campaign and some of the responses were quite candid. One young mom who was trying to lose her baby weight stated, “The Dove model, who is carrying more than fifteen extra pounds, helps Tanya feel better about the way she looks” (157). Seeing others out there they can look at their bodies and see beauty and not just the extra lines or weight. In fact PRNewswire website shows that “When girls feel bad about their looks more than 70 percent age 15-17 avoid normal daily activities such as attending school, going to the doctor, or even giving their opinion” (Negative Feelings About Their Looks). In their report about the Dove Campaign they state, “More than 50 percent of women strongly wish that the next generation learns to eat healthily instead of dieting” (Negative Feelings About Their Looks). So where do we go from here?
What does healthy look like?
Throughout this paper, it has been demonstrated that shaming, humiliation, isolating, and judging people merely on the basis of weight alone is not only wrong, but harmful. The physiological effects that it causes from children through adulthood have greater implications than a BMI number that is too high. That being said, children with Type II diabetes and high blood pressure need to be treated and if weight is a part of the problem it cannot be singled out, instead encouraging healthy eating and behaviors will have a greater impact than just the number on the scales. Bacon and Aphamor state:
Concern has arisen that this weight focused paradigm is not only ineffective at producing thinner, healthier bodies, but also damaging, contributing to food and body preoccupation, repeated cycles of weight loss and regain, distraction from other personal health goals and wider health determinants, reduced self-esteem, eating disorders, other health decrement, and weight stigmatization and discrimination. (1)

Bacon and Aphramor discuss the benefits of a “Trans-disciplinary movement called Health at Every Size” (HAES) (1). This program works with all eating disorders and is designed to promote healthy behaviors where weight loss is not the determining factor (1). In fact, they go on to state that research shows, “one-third to two thirds of the weight is regained within one year [after weight loss], and almost all is regained within five years” (Bacon and Aphramor 5). Just reducing calorie intake alone does guarantee long lasting results when it comes to weight loss. HAES offers three distinct ways that addresses health rather than weight: “1) encourages body acceptance as opposed to weight loss or weight maintenance; 2) supports reliance on internal regulatory processes, such as hunger and satiety, as opposed to encouraging cognitively-imposed dietary restriction; and 3) supports active embodiment as opposed to encouraging structured exercise” (Bacon and Aphramor 6). This is a completely different way of looking at food, especially for people who have dieted throughout the years. People learn about nutrition, comfort eating, appetite, and the difference between immediate satiety and delayed gratification (Bacon and Aphramor 7). People also learn how to incorporate activity into their daily lives which they enjoy, as well as relaxation, art, and volunteering which aid in the psychological empowerment of obese people (Bacon and Aphramor 8). Finally, those in the healthcare business need to realize that aiding the chronic stress that obese people deal with on a daily basis not only inhibits weight loss, but has been linked to hypertension, diabetes, and heart disease (Bacon and Aphramor 8). However, having a positive body image has shown to lower weight and other health issues (Bacon and Aphramor 6). The focus must change from looking at the scales or BMI profiling to looking at the whole person, their socioeconomic situation, activity level, depression, and other illnesses or medicines that could be contributing to their overall health. For Bacon and Aphramor state, “if shame were effective motivation there wouldn’t be many fat people” (7).


Bibliography
Aleccia, JoNel. “Too fat for TV? Anchor fires back at critic: outpouring ensues.” NBC News. 02 Oct. 2012. Web. 17 Apr. 2013
Bacon, Linda, and Lucy Aphramor. "Weight science: evaluating the evidence for a paradigm shift." Nutrition journal 10.9 (2011): 1-13.
"Body Mass Index Table 1." NHLBI, Obesity Guidelines. USA.gov, n.d. Web. 21 Apr. 2013.
Friedman, Kelli E., et al. "Weight stigmatization and ideological beliefs: relation to psychological functioning in obese adults." Obesity Research 13.5 (2005): 907-916.Jutel, Annemarie. "Weighing health: The moral burden of obesity." Social Semiotics 15.2 (2005): 113-125.
Kruger, Judy, et al. "Attempting to lose weight: specific practices among US adults." American journal of preventive medicine 26.5 (2004): 402.
Means, Sean P. “The Cricket: A Critic’s Fat Jokes Aren’t Funny Or Unique.” The Salt Lake Tribune Feb 23 2013. ProQuest. Web. 17 Apr. 2013
Millard, J. (2009), Performing Beauty: Dove's “Real Beauty” Campaign. Symbolic Interaction, 32: 146–168. doi: 10.1525/si.2009.32.2.146
“Negative Feelings about their Looks Cause Majority of Girls to Disengage from Life; Mothers Play Crucial Role in Development of Girls’ Self-Esteem, Dove Campaign for Real Beauty Global Study Reveals.” PR Newswire: 0. May 10 2006. ProQuest. Web. 9 April. 2013
Osborn, Don R. "Beauty is as Beauty Does?: Makeup and Posture Effects on Physical Attractiveness Judgments1." Journal of Applied Social Psychology26.1 (1996): 31-51.
Puhl, Rebecca, and Kelly D. Brownell. "Bias, discrimination, and obesity."Obesity research 9.12 (2001): 788-805.
Rozin, Paul, et al. "The CAD triad hypothesis: A mapping between three moral emotions (contempt, anger, disgust) and three moral codes (community, autonomy, divinity)." Journal of personality and social psychology 76 (1999): 574-586.
Schwartz, Marlene B., et al. "The Influence of One's Own Body Weight on Implicit and Explicit Antifat Bias." Obesity 14.3 (2006): 440-447.
Vartanian, L. R. "Disgust and perceived control in attitudes toward obese people." International journal of obesity 34.8 (2010): 1302-1307.





Thursday, May 29, 2014

Book Review: Jesus Feminist an Invitation to Revisit the Bible’s View of Women


I guess I need to disclose right from the beginning, that this book sat by my bedside for almost nine months. For those who are familiar with my school schedule, know that when I am taking classes, I don’t find much time for anything else, and that includes any supplemental reading. It was my dear friend, Lucille, who introduced me to Sarah’s blog, and after reading a few of her blog posts I decided to subscribe to her blog and tucked her posts away and read them when I could. When the book came out I was very ambivalent about even reading it, for I wasn’t sure if I was really ready to read a “church” book. My journey towards healing from the churches we have attended has traversed many hills and valleys and I felt like I was finally getting somewhere. And then the new issues of abuse that surfaced in the last few months that seemed to send my heart reeling once again. However, this last semester so many things happened that really prepared me for this book. I was given constructive and encouraging feedback from my professors and faculty this last semester to pursue working with women and children that come from various forms of abuse; both professors called it my life’s work. Their affirming words helped pave the way for me to read this book. 

I hope it will affirm and encourage you in the manner you need for the season that you are in.

For those who haven’t read one of my book reviews, a large portion of my review includes the places where the author touched my soul, for me, that matters much more than style.  One last thing, I couldn’t help but read this book from a sociological perspective, not just from a spiritual one. Right from the start I saw a consensus perspective which Durkheim believed as why societies stayed together, maybe that is because I have studied him so much, I see him everywhere. J That being said, I see this same spirit in this book; Sarah’s perspective is all about consensus instead of conflict and for me, this is so refreshing.

My Top Ten reasons why I think this book should be read:
1.       Sarah addresses such a wide audience. Having many friends in the writing field, and being a student the first thing one learns, is to know your audience. Well, the title Jesus Feminist has one leg one side of the fence and the other leg on the other side, and yet Sarah doesn’t sit on the fence, her intellectual and spiritual flexibility causes the reader to want to continue reading just to figure out how she is going to fuse what many would see as polar opposites. This is demonstrated in one of my favorite quotes from her, “Feminism is complicated and it varies for each person, much like Christianity.” (pg13)
2.      So let’s talk about feminism for a moment, I like her perspective of feminism as being egalitarian, which is not belittling one gender over the other. It doesn’t include hating men, calling them names or even burning your bra. If you feel the need to burn your bra, it most likely has something to do with wearing the wrong size, not a perspective on life, I am just saying. J Secondly, what I love about Sarah’s version of feminism is she takes away the quotation marks away. Let me explain. While reading a book about women in American history which changed my major from history to sociology, one of the authors put egalitarians in quotation marks, meaning that egalitarians really weren’t quite feminist enough. On the flip side attending patriarchal churches, women get put in quotation marks as being weaker, not as educated or the need to be as educated- I don’t want be “boxed in” or marked, thank you. We are women who believe that God sees and loves men and women equally. It is this type of feminism that Sarah goes teaches.
3.       Sarah also talks about those who believe in complementary vs. egalitarian, so here is my take: even if one doesn't quite agree with the egalitarian viewpoint, could the reader not gain some understanding of where the egalitarian stands? I believe so. Maybe not every reader will change how they believe by reading this book, but I do believe they have an opportunity to few this perspective from someone who writes with authenticity and humility. I believe those who lean more to the right or to the left have the opportunity to view women in church differently.
4.       From the beginning Sarah invites the reader to join her on the beach with a glass of wine or beverage, and by setting the tone of friendship, the theme of community is woven throughout the book from the beginning, which goes back to consensus. So many authors take one position and that is it, take it or leave it especially on a polarizing argument. (Here I would say she was being a great sociologist, finding neutral language and middle ground that both sides could at least see.)
5.       One of the most compelling reasons why I continued reading this book wasn’t due to all the great arguments, but for those that need all of the facts, I believe she does a great job with building excellent arguments and brings evidence to support her ideas. But for me, it was that this author wrote from places of pain ̶a heart that has been broken has such potential to reach readers after the author has walked through pain. This author speaks from those deep places of the heart and the soul. Many times, I was tearing up, because I could relate to the pain and shame that was sent from pulpits and from the pews. Gender codes and roles are describe in certain manners where much pain and frustration coincide. This is not just a church issue; it is a societal issue. We want to label things and put them in their place, for we crave a sense of order. But for those that don’t fit in those boxes and slots, this book will bring hope and healing.
6.     Living as one loved. This is a theme throughout the book and is really the heart of the book. For me, it brought back the trip that Chuck and I took before his accident and how loved I felt by spending time with him, uninterrupted time of fellowship, discovery, and passion. I was forever changed. For the longest time, I felt it was cruel that I had for such a short time feeling that loved. It wasn’t like Chuck didn’t love me, but the brain injuries changed everything and we are working not to go back to where we were, but to a new place. If as a wife I could understand that freedom, then reading this book only built upon the foundation which I felt had been forgotten. Knowing and understanding how loved, truly loved we are, brings such freedom that we find our voices and start helping others. Sarah describes this through many stories and metaphors that I believe speaks to many different women. In fact she talks about how frustrating it is to be lumped together, as if we all had the same passion or interests.
7.      Chapters five and seven are amazing! Maybe it isn’t fair to single out a couple of chapters, but these two spoke to me in such profound ways. “Dancing Warriors” and “A Narrative Reborn” these two chapters speak about being married and giving birth. I absolutely loved how she described the birthing process as a way to understand Christ, which can only come from a mother’s perspective. She reminds us about these stories in us, that need to be shared and told that will bring healing and comfort to others. Speaking of giving birth Sarah writes, “There is something godly in the waiting, in the mystery, in the fact that we are a part of it ̶ a partner with it but not the author of it” (pg 116).
8.       I love the fact that Sarah shies away from continuing the mommy wars, in fact she talks about each action that women give as a gift and that it shouldn’t be compared to others. This book is filled with beautiful, broad strokes of freedom and grace that encourages women to embrace who they were created to be. The performance driven mentality is taken away, and what is left is a sense of holiness that comes from doing the laundry to starting global ministries and everything in between.
9.       She speaks to the woman who ministers within her home, her church, her neighborhood, her state, country, and then globally. Each with a reverence and a blessing. I really can’t stress enough how she tries to erase these lines, boxes, and values that the church and society places on women. So much of history has been based upon how men see the world and we struggle to find affirmation in who we are, what we look like, and what we choose to do; Sarah affirms women and in doing so, she doesn’t put men down in the process. She shows how beautiful equal submission to one another looks like. She sees how so many women are silenced or pushed aside because of their gender and cannot fulfill what God has called them to do and how the church and the world are suffering because of this.

10.Getting to the last chapter is just wonderful. It is such a blessing. 

I would love to hear your feedback on the book or maybe a different book that has pointed the way to go in your life. When a book takes up residence within your heart, you know that you have to tell others.