Being all things to all men

So I am reading this book, The Second Shift, by Arlie Hochschild and Anne Machung, maybe you have heard of it. I can’t believe how much discussion this book has brought to the surface, and mostly I feel like a cheerleader wanting to sing their praises. And if you know me at all, me and cheerleader are never in the same sentence. J This book talks about gender roles and strategies that men and women struggle with today where over 70% of women work outside of the home. The dynamics have changed and yet the workload is still very unequal. Now, I am not slamming the guys, they struggle too, with all these changes and this book just shows that no one knows how to perform in their roles and gender. I have thought back to some teachings that put undue burden on the guys in the homeschooling movement. We are not superhuman, just human.
This book has reminded me to think of the talks that I gave about moms trying to be superwoman and how none of us look good in tights, i.e., spandex and a cape, really we don’t. As much as we want to be all things to all men, we can't. We need to accept that there are seasons in our lives where our time and energy is delegated to very specific needs and we try to meet everyone's expectation of what a mom and wife does, looks like, acts like, and we try so hard that we burn out, give up, or retreat. 

Here are the three biggest things I have taken from this book so far.
 1. Parents and couples need a positive social and emotional support system.
2. Egalitarian relationships seemed happier, meaning that both spouses share in the workload at home and were happy with the division of labor, or at least comfortable with it; we all know raising children is tough.
3. Couples and parents who learned how to deal with their stresses tended to stay together. So, here is my take; I don’t care if you stay home, work outside the home, or work from home or any combination of those three, if you don’t have a group of people encouraging you, find a different support system. Do not stay in a place just because we are exhorted to be challenged-that is a bunch of bull, we are our harshest critics and we, meaning both husband and wife, need encouragement and praise from outside sources. 

Secondly, don’t give up on the difficult discussions about time management and chores in the home, even if one or both spouses get frustrated or angry. Keep trying to work it out, don't forget about it because one spouse is easily angered or has different expectations. 

Finally, learn how to manage your stress, I know coming from me, that sounds hypocritical, since I stress, nevertheless, it is true, find ways to relax and let go. I know that for families that are single parents or struggling financially it is much harder to do so with what limited time and resources you have. When you have lots of little ones underfoot, make sure you take some time for yourself. Don’t lose who you are while tending to your family. 

Please don’t compare or judge your fellow sister, you don’t know what load she carries; she may seem like she has it all together, but from a statistical point of view, she is struggling like the rest of us. None of us have it all worked out, we don't always know if we are doing it "right" as a wife or mother.  I think one of the things that I have learned through my journey is accepting who you are and don’t try to mold yourself into something that a church, society, or significant other wants you to do. YOU were beautifully created to be you and no one else. You’re doing a better job than you think, now go take a nap, I bet you’re tired!